Dear February

Your beginnings gave me a great determination, and now that I think back to those moments I realise just how quickly you've said goodbye. While in some areas you were just another month, I feel that you brought me little progress .... maybe.

The big thing for me this month was moving out of my one bedroom apartment where I lived by myself, and had been for around a year and a half, and moving into a three bedroom duplex with two friends of mine. I was ready and waiting for this change, and I've been so pleased with it. It was time for me to move back in with people I think, to give me some more social interaction and just improve my mental health.

A new chapter in my educational career began as you came to a close, and it seems there is only positive things to come with that.

But how did I feel...

A lot of things that I really wanted to see progress haven't yet seem to come about. When I think of that it can fill me with self-doubt, and as the months roll on I consider packing it in and trying to find some normal 9 - 5 job that will fill the time, give me funds and give me something to talk about at parties. Because it starts off almost as a fun joke when people ask you what you've been up to or what you've been doing and you can only reply with not much. People can appreciate someone taking some time off for themselves. But it seems as 2017 continues to move forward, I find myself less and less reluctant to answer the small talk. I guess now I can actually say I'm completing a Masters, and when people hear you're getting educated they feel that's a sufficient answer to their question, but that's really only part of what I do.

I say I do nothing, but you won't find me spending hours on the couch binge watching TV shows on Netflix (though it's tempting), I always manage to fill my days and to-do list to the point that I still get to the end of most days and feel I haven't completed enough because there's still some odds and ends I haven't checked off.

As you can probably tell if you're reading this, I spend a lot of time working on my blog, more than probably anything else at the moment. I'm taking photos, writing, editing, answering emails, sending emails and keeping up with all the happenings on social media. I put the amount of hours into it that most people put into any job they have, but I can't call it my job because I really don't get paid yet, and it's certainly not anywhere near being able to sustain me financially. That has been the goal though, it's just taking a bit longer than I was mentally prepared for I think.

So I don't feel I can tell people I'm a blogger; even when I do, I say it almost with a cringe because I don't feel anyone really takes that word seriously. I tell people I freelance write because I have in the past and I am constantly applying for freelance jobs, but if I'm being honest there's actually nothing much going on in that department either.

Overall, while you've had some exciting moments and there's been some positive changes, I have to say I've haven't been to overly impressed with you. It's disheartening, but the only thing I can do is hope and work towards trying to make March something a little bit better.

What's your opinion?

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